Lighthouse Bill (voice)

Patrick Steptoe

Longneck (voice)

Conrad (voice)

Professor Craven (voice)

Cardinal Lawrence

Mal

Bob

Bennett (voice)

Bloody's Consciousness (voice)

Self

Williams

Self - Narrator (voice)

Self - Narrator (voice)

Spencer

Self

Robert "Bob" Hayes

Mr. Woodhouse

Timofey

Sinclair (voice)

Edward

Howard Clifford

Alan

Mr. Brundish

Billy Mack

Ambrose Hilliard / Uncle Frank

John Kildare

Sergeant Wilson

Socrates (voice)

Self - 'Flushed Away' and 'Arthur Christmas'

Douglas Ainslie

Cliff

Tom Sergeant

Johnny Worricker

Johnny Worricker

Naberius

Dad

The Network (voice)

The Hungry Corpse

Self - Narrator (voice)

General Fallon

Graham Greene (voice)

Spoken Quotations (voice)

Matthias

Hephaestus

Douglas Ainslie

Grandsanta (voice)

Johnny Worricker

The Professor

Self / Rattlesnake Jake

Rattlesnake Jake (voice)

Richard Madsen

Rufus Scrimgeour

Victor Maynard

Alexander Keyes

Dr. Elefun / Robotsky (voice)

Leonard Saber

Quentin

Viktor

Friedrich Olbricht

Arnold Percy

Self

Davy Jones

Met Chief Inspector

Richard Hart

Whitey (voice)

Alan Blunt

Davy Jones

Narrator

Viktor

Self

Gideon Warner

Self

Sir Bernard Pellegrin

Self

Lawrence

Slartibartfast

Robin

Dylan (voice)

Phil Parish

Self - Narrator

Phillip

Maxwell's Fan 22

Narrator

Earl of Clincham

Viktor

Billy Mack

James Mortmain

Dan

Uncle Louis Gryffoyn

Roger

Ray Robertson

Lord Sandwich

Mr. Johnson

Ray Simms

Edward Gardner

Jeremy Saville

Tristan

Julian

Roger Maitland

John Tracey

Oliver Latham

John Tracey

Hugh Marriner

Howard Nash

Martin Barton

Tiger Brown

Ronald Marsh

Helmut Hoffmann

Al

ENT Doctor

Connor Mullan

Dave

Squadron Leader Blenkinsop

Bruno

Officer

Colin Street

Katherine's Co-worker (uncredited)

William

Deasy

Bill

Player in Everyman Theatre Company, Liverpool