Nathaniel Turner

Ezra Wilcott

Sanborn

Hamilton Crassus III

Viktor Petrovich

Richard

Robert Wainwright

Byrne

Self

Patrick Quinn

Ellison Betts

Mickey Donovan

Justice Burger

Self - Interviewee

John

Narrator

Self

Self

Ben Crowley

Gus

Earl Hall

Principle Skinner

Henry Shaw Sr.

John

Father Peter

Jerry the Dog (voice)

Paul Bryant

Moriarty

Self

Moriarty

Self

Self (archive footage)

Van Helsing

The Voice

Oscar 'Manny' Manheim (archive footage)

Moriarty

Self

Self

Jon Koski

(archive footage)

Self

Self (uncredited)

(archive footage)

Self

Self

Self

Creighton

President George Washington

Francis Tierney, Sr.

Jon Voight

Patrick Gates

Principal Dimly

Defense Secretary John Keller

Jacob Samuelson

Self

Self

Hamilton Cage

Dr. Crazx

Self

Adolph Rupp

Self

Self

Self

Edward

Patrick Gates

Bill Biscane / Kane

Senator Thomas Jordan (D-CT)

Billy Rowles

Self

Marion Sevillo "Mr. Sir"

Coach Chuck Dichter

Howard Cosell

Storyteller

SS-Brigadeführer Jürgen Stroop

Larry Zoolander

Lord Richard Croft

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Self

Narrator

Michel

Self - Host

Lt. Palladino

Coach Bud Kilmer

Reynolds

Inspector Ned Kenny

Jack Killoran

Leo F. Drummond

Gen. Adam Woodward, alias Lt. Col. Grant Casey

Blind Man

Paul Serone

Peter Willcox

John Wright

Jim Phelps

Nate

Ry Weston

Yarik

Alfred Kroeber

Dr. Robert Gale

Edward / James

Self

Self

Jack Chismore

Oscar 'Manny' Manheim

J.P. Tannen

Alex Kovac

Billy

Walter Tschanz

Luke Martin

Peter Miller

Pat Conroy

Vic Bealer

Ed Gentry

A

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder

Fearless Frank

Russ

Joe Buck

Self

Curly Bill Brocius